This is my new life after being diagnosed with an incurable bladder disease,called Interstitial Cystitis.
My hope is that you will be enlightened and inspired by my blog. I also want to raise awareness for Interstitial Cystits (IC) and educate others about this disease.
As I was leaving church last Sunday I walked out to the parking lot and heard "You backed into me!" "No you backed into me! As they were backing out of the parking lot a truck hit a car or...a car hit a truck.
The first thing I did was ask if anyone was hurt. They all said no. The tension of the discussion had me a little flustered, but I am more anxious now that I have Interstitial Cystitis and so many other medical problems. I was calm enough to suggest that we call the Police and let them decide as a unbiased third party. The lady driving the car had her cell phone out and dialed 911.
The driver of the car and I started talking. Her husband and the other gentleman were chit chatting as well. It didn't take the Policeman long to arrive at the scene. He took their credentials and began to prepare the report.
I continued jabbering the whole time and enjoyed getting to know her better, but I was starting to feel tired. However I thought it was important to provide them with moral support regardless of how I felt.The police report stated that they were both at fault and each needed to contact their insurance carrier and no one was charged. We all said our good byes and went our separate ways.
This Sunday I saw her at church. We talked about the fender bender. She stated the there was no need in being upset about it. She said it would not have helped anyone for them to be agitated about the situation. In other words she didn't let it bother her. She decided to not have any bitter feelings about the whole situation.
It made me think about this song "Forgiveness" by Matthew West. Most of the time we are so busy trying to "be right" about something we don't care about who we hurt in the process. It takes courage to forgive and sometimes it is not easy but it is important. It is important for us because it sets us free. Staying mad at someone even when they treat you wrong can bring on much unneeded stress and sometimes medical problems in our lives.
So the next time you are mad at someone and need to forgive them follow that whisper inside your head that is saying "set it free" do yourself a favor and let it go. Ask God to help you to do what seems impossible...set it free!
Feel free to leave any comments below. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Whew, what a week. Monday I went back to work for the first time since being out with the flu all last week. To say I was tired at 5:00 would be a major understatement. When I came home from work I rested in the bed about an hour I felt a little better.
Tuesday was my six week evaluation at physical therapy. My therapist asked me some questions, checked the strength in my legs and basically said she doesn't think that the physical therapy has been helping me. I smiled to cover up my true feelings and said "You are not giving up on me are you?" But I already knew the answer. We did agree to try a few more weeks to see if it would help. She left the room to try to work out a schedule for me.
That old familiar feeling of disappointment of having hope in a new treatment and knowing that is it not going to work came over me and displayed itself by the drops falling from my eyes. It takes a lot to make me cry now days. I take so many medications to control the tears, but I truly felt discouraged! The schedule she came back with would not work with my work schedule at all! I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation I decided to take a step back and regroup my thoughts about the whole subject and not schedule any appointments...here I am again with another medical professional essentially saying I'm not sure what to do to help you.
I had such high hopes that physical therapy was going to be the "magic" to relieve my sciatica. The massages felt great even if it was only temporary. Now I'm not sure what to do...I'm just going to put up the walls around me and feel sorry for myself...that is what I did, but then I decided I must keep moving forward. Wednesday I was so tired physically that I didn't want to go to church. However I knew mentally and spiritually it would be the best idea for me. We even made plans to go visit a young couple in our church that just had a baby...ahh, something to look forward to for the next day. My preacher, his wife, another gentleman from our church and I went to see the baby. He is only 4 weeks old, but he already has so much character. With each smile and grunt I could see tears welling up in the eyes of my preacher's wife. I felt like I knew why...children are a gift from God. I think either one of us would have taken that young fella home with us. I look forward to hopefully having grandchildren one day, but for now I will enjoy the personality of this lil one. Just being around the newborn and his family blessed my heart and I didn't dwell on the frustrations of my life.
Me and a bundle of joy!
Was I exhausted before we went? Yep! Was I more exhausted after we went? Of course! Did I have to take more pain medication that day? Sure did! Was it worth it? Absolutely!
I'm trying not to dwell on the negative in my life I'm praying for focus and guidance. I do not know what I need to do next. However; I will continue to research new treatment plans and I will ask God for His direction in my life..."Help me find my way. Bring me back to You."
Brian Johnson "You're All I Want"
This is a great worship song that I heard for the first time today...it was just what I needed to hear. I hope you will check it out for yourself.
This week I have had plenty of sleep and rest. I haven't had any stress at all. I have been relaxing and just taking it easy all week. I'm not on vacation! I haven't quit my job...I have had the flu.
It was a difficult way to get some much needed rest, but I will take it any way I can get it. Sunday evening I started feeling achy allover and my throat started hurting. I thought I was fighting off a cold. However Monday morning I woke up with a temperature of 101.4 and I was achy and had a bad cough that made my throat and chest hurt.
Since I had a fever I decided to look on Webmd.com to check out the symptoms of the flu. I had most of the symptoms and called my doctor and left a message. I was trying to take a nap when they called me back and said the doctor wanted to see me.
Really?? I did not feel like going to the doctor. But just in case it was the flu I did want to get some Tamiflu. So I got dressed and went to the doctor's office. Hopefully I would not see anyone that I knew. When I first walked in and signed in the lady in front of me said "Hey Barbara, how are you?" Through my hoarse, weak voice I mustered the words "Not too good now. I think I have the flu." In spite of my flu fog I remembered to give her one of my handy dandy handouts about IC and told her I was trying to raise awareness about my bladder disease.
I sat as far away from everyone as I could. They promptly called me back. The doctor said based on my symptoms it sounded like the flu. He gave me a prescription for some cough medicine and Tamiflu. He also refilled all my other needed prescriptions.
It has been a long week but I am thankful that I am feeling better now. I told my Mama that having the flu is just like a Fibromyalgia flare. I have been saying that for months but until now I had never had the flu. So I know for sure that it is very similar. When I have a Fibro flare I feel achy and tired all over. All I want to do is rest. I've had a lot of time to think about it and I came up with a the top reasons I would rather have the flu than Fibro: 1. I went to the doctor and told him my symptoms and he gave me a prescription that will make me well sooner.
2. I felt sick, I was sick and I was able to rest. 3. The doctor gave me a piece of paper that said it was ok to be sick and that I could stay out of work.
4. People call and check on you when you have the flu.
5. Next year I will be able to take a shot to avoid being sick...ahh, if it were only so simple for Fibro!
Fibromyalgia takes over your whole body and controls the things you do in life. Now I know what that voice is inside my head:
There is also another voice inside my head. It says I know that suffering can produce good things. Suffering can make you persist in difficult times. Our persistence makes us who we are. We are made stronger in our hardships and we learn to have hope. And hope is always a good thing. I hope that when I am having a bad day, resting in bed, completely exhausted and in pain that I remember the words of this verse. What are your thoughts??!!
This year I told Alan that I wanted to celebrate Valentine's day on Saturday instead of Friday. That way I would hopefully have more time to rest on Saturday before we went anywhere. Since my hours have been cut at work I decided to give Alan a somewhat crafty gift that did not cost much money. I gave him some of his favorite candy,some hand warmers for when he goes hunting,a card and included two coupons. One for a back rub and one for a foot rub...the only catch is that I have to be having a good day for him to redeem them. He thought it was a cute idea.
Alan's gift minus the angel.
Alan wanted us to try a new seafood restaurant. It was about an hour and a half away from our home but I was feeling good so we went for it.
It was a seafood buffet. I do not like buffets...I don't like standing in line waiting to try to get something to eat. I decided to order from the menu. I ordered grilled salmon and shrimp. I didn't really like the salmon. So I ate my shrimp and baked potato and I was ready to go. But Alan had ordered the buffet so he was in line for more food when I finished eating.
Before we left I thought I should use the restroom. There was also a line for that! I decided that I didn't want to know why the one lady stayed in there so long. I thought if I need to go we can stop on the way. I could not wait to go home! However Alan wanted to ride closer to the dam that we rode over on the way. I was game. It sounded like a fun adventure to me...and it was!
First we went to the left side and I took some pictures of the lights coming off of the dam. Then we went to the right side and there was a huge deck across part of the water and picnic tables. I was so excited as we walked to the deck. Never mind that it was very cold and windy outside. I wanted to see as much as I could and take some more pictures.
The lights over Strom Thurmond Dam
The deck across the raging water
Alan asked "Are you scared?" "If you fall into that water there is no coming back." I said "No." For once in my life I wasn't the scare-dee cat!!! I was enjoying being out there just the two of us on a new undertaking.
Scar-dee Cat
It reminded me of our trip to The Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon in 2011. We took off just the two of us on an adventure that we will never forget. We always talk about going back just because we had so much fun.
Barbara and Alan Hoover Dam 2011
Grand Canyon 2011
The restaurant certainly was not my favorite but spending time with Alan on an adventure afterwards was the most fun I have had in a long time!
Do you have any suggestions on some adventures to try?
At first I was relieved. Then I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Now I am frustrated.
They decided to cut my hours at The Construction Company because business is slow right now. I was working about 30-34 hours per week. They want me to only work 20 hours per week now.
I felt relieved because I have been totally exhausted every day. I know that working is really taking a toll on my body. But I also feel like it keeps my mind off of the pain. I hope that cutting my hours will be the relief that my body needs.
After I thought about it I had the "ole kick in the stomach feeling." I started thinking about having to tell my husband. I dreaded telling him because I feel like I am letting him down...again! And of course there is the financial aspect of bringing in a considerable lesser amount of money each month. And last but not least there is the reality that I may not be able to work full-time any where right now....jobs are scarce to say the least and my "ole bod" is failing me.
I'm frustrated that I don't have a full-time job now. It is not what I wanted to happen but maybe it was time for me to lose a little more control of my life...just Let It Go! I received a little encouragement from watching this episode of 20/20:
It is about a fourteen year old girl who is a dwarf She has such positive energy. However it was what her Mom said that really stood out to me. She said "Life is what it is. You can chose to deal with it in a good way or..." She said they focused on what the teenager could do instead of focusing on what she couldn't do. The video is only about 6 minutes long. I hope you will take the time to watch it. You just might receive a blessing too.
It is hard to keep this mindset when all the things that you knew to be "normal" are suddenly taken away from you. I started to not watch the show because the title is "My Strange Affliction." I thought they might be "making light" of people who are suffering from different illnesses like Interstitial Cystitis (IC) for example. Maybe start the show with everyone sitting on a toilet...oh, never mind that was a different show...http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/show_synopsis/1493?section=synopsishttp://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/show_synopsis/1493?section=synopsis
Instead they shared the stories of people who are struggling with different disorders but have chosen to focus on what they can still do and the positive things in their life. This is so much easier said than done when you are living with suffering day after day.
I chose to say this prayer so that I can also try to focus on the positive things in my life and Let It Go I hope you will too.
The song below is about letting go of control, ignoring the fear and relying on God for everything we need. "Let It Go" Tenth Avenue North. This is the live version of this song.
Each time my co-worker even mentioned the word "snow" I did my little snow dance...um, well it is more like a wave than a dance...okay, so I just really sat at my desk and lifted my hands in the air.I told her not to get me all excited about snow if it was not going to happen!!
I am like a kid when I hear about snow. Where I live if we have one "good snow" a year then I am very happy. It has been a couple of years since we had a good, fluffy snow that stayed on the ground so we were due.
The day it was supposed to snow I was hoping to go home early from work. You know like a "snow day" at school when you are let out early or better yet the WHOLE day is a snow day! Our forecast said that the snow would start at 12:00 p.m. My co-worker and I kept waiting and looking out the window like two youngsters who had nothing to do but wait for the snow and then go play in it. It would snow a little then stop...nothing to get excited about...yet!
About 4:00 p.m. that afternoon my little snow wave started paying off. I stayed at work until 5:00 p.m. then I hurried home to enjoy the white stuff. It was a beautiful, powdery snow. The kind that makes a great snowman.
All I wanted to do was watch the snow falling and see God's blanket of whiteness fill the outdoors. I was prepared for the snow storm. I had bread and milk. My husband had a fire going in our buck stove. When I got home all I had to do was sit back and appreciate the beauty of the flakes falling and rest by the fire...ahhhhh!
The next morning I was able to sleep late and go outside for a walk just as the sun started shining. It was cold but I bundled up really well and headed out for my walk. I was prepared so well that I didn't even get cold...or maybe that was just a little bit of the "kid in me" coming out saying "I'm not cold!" Whatever it was I enjoyed my walk and appreciated the beautiful splendor of this winter wonderland.
Yes he is small but he has a big heart!
I was prepared for the snow storm they called Leon, but what about the parents of baby Grace? She was born in the backseat of her parent's car. They were on their way to the hospital to give birth, but the weather had them stuck in traffic near Atlanta. Maybe they had been to Lamaze classes. Maybe since it was not their first child they were pros at birthing babies...or maybe they just remained calm and did the best they could with what they had.
How could they have ever known what they were about to experience? How do any of us prepare for the things that happen to us in life?? Well from my own experience I think the best way to "prepare" for the storms in our life is to have faith. I thought my faith was strong... However, when Interstitial Cystitis (IC) came into my life, it changed my life forever. If I didn't have faith at all I'm not sure how my life would be now. Sometimes there are things that happen in our life that rock us to our core. IC has been one of those changes in my life. Sometimes God calls us to rely on our faith to guide us. I'm talking about walking on the water, mind blowing faith. Faith that calls us out of the boat and into the water. Faith that if we follow will take us out of our comfort zone and into God's will. And even when we stumble and doubt Jesus, He is there to reach out his hand to save us!
It is impossible to know everything that might happen to us in our lives but being prepared can make the rough ride a little less bumpy. Keeping our faith strong by praying, studying and encouraging others is a good way to give your soul peace and rest. Now I know how to make it snow around here. All I have to do is my little snow wave over and over. Then I just have to make sure I have all the bread and milk I need for the snow storm. I think the best way to be prepared for the storms and trials in our life is to have faith that you can trust God no matter what and remain calm and do the best you can with what you have!
As part of my new physical therapy plan I will see two different therapists. I can see pros and cons with this approach but it is worth a try. The pros are that I receive the medical expertise of two very different people. If one of them is out or off work I can still see the other one and she will know my history. The con for me is that if I am really benefiting from the treatment I am receiving from one and maybe not as much from the other then it could be a problem. But there is no use in worrying about that now. I just need to KeepPushin'on.
Dorothy and Toto from the Wizard of Oz
This week I met my other therapist. She is a Physical Therapist and a Massage Therapist...I was thinking oh yeah, this is gonna be great! As she began talking about her background she mentioned that she lived in Kansas, but she didn't sound anything like Dorothy (see picture to the left). I said "I know you are not from Kansas!" She had an accent that I did not recognize. She said she is from Puerto Rico...not even close to Kansas!
Since my MRI did not show any bulging or ruptured disks to explain my chronic sciatica my doctor is not sure what my next step should be other than to keep taking pain killers. Now I so clearly understand why the second Urologist I went to see said "Do most IC patients take pain medication? Yes, but that's okay." I didn't understand it when he said it. In fact it upset and frustrated me but now it makes sense. My therapist gave me what I would call a deep tissue massage. Focusing on treating my chronic pain that starts in my buttocks and goes all the way down my leg. It felt GREAT while she was doing it! I told her about the beginning of my Interstitial Cystitis (IC) journey and how I now have other related conditions such as Fibromyalgia and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. She wasn't familiar with IC but she said she would research it. I gave her my handy dandy handout that has some information about IC on it and the ICA's website and of course my blog address. She then asked me if it was okay if she prayed. Are you kidding??? It is more than okay...it made my day!!! I told her that I really appreciated her praying and I hugged her. I said it made me feel better because I am a Christian. She said "I am too." I thought well isn't that just like God to put me in the hands of another Christian therapist??!!...I was feeling so blessed! By Tuesday my back, bladder and sciatica pain had shifted into overdrive. On Wednesday I was convinced I was in an IC flare. However I started feeling better on Thursday just in time for my next pt appointment. As promised my therapist had done some research on IC and she said "After reading about it, I have to admire you for continuing to keep pushin' on." I told her that it was not easy at all. Some days I just want to stay in bed. But it's just not like me to give up that easily. I have to keep trying new treatments, researching and learning as much as I can to help myself...I have to Keep Pushin'. That is what we all have to do. We have to make it through various trials of life. In the mist of these trials it may seem that they will never end. And we sometimes lose hope. But there is an end to all of this far more wonderful than we can imagine in our present circumstances. You might call these guys old but I think they still have it...This is different from my usual videos but this song popped into my head while I was writing this post. When I was a teenager REO was my favorite group. I think this song has a good message. We all have to Keep Pushin!
Let me know your thoughts or comments below. And feel free to pass this post along.
I continued jabbering the whole time and enjoyed getting to know her better, but I was starting to feel tired. However I thought it was important to provide them with moral support regardless of how I felt. The police report stated that they were both at fault and each needed to contact their insurance carrier and no one was charged. We all said our good byes and went our separate ways.
