Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!

I broke up with my physical therapist...or she broke up with me??!! I'm not sure. I was in such disbelief that I could hardly speak.  When I first started going for therapy she talked about how hard it is to break up with some patients.  She said some of them just won't leave; now I understand why...

A few weeks ago I told my therapist that I had 2 more appointments and then that would probably be it...I didn't mean, but yet I did.  Since I have started another job, I realize that taking half a day off each week is probably not the best idea.  It has been about a year since I first started physical therapy.  That is a long time to take time off work, drive 1 1/2 hours one way, and to ride in a car for that long since riding is difficult for me at times.

My therapist has been talking a lot about all the progress that I have made.  It just seemed like the right time to stop going regularly.  But when the time came and she said she thought I was ready, I didn't feel ready at all.  I felt like a little girl whose friend told her not to come back to her house anymore!  I felt like I was not going to see one of my best fiends, a confidant and the best physical therapist a girl could ask for.

As we smiled, hugged and said our goodbyes, it seemed like a dream.  Like one of those many bad dreams I have been having lately.  As soon as I stood in the elevator to leave, I realized that it was all real and the tears began to flow.

So much change in my life now...I don't like it.  My one and only daughter is getting married next week.  And I am happy for them, yet a little sad too.  Even though I enjoy my new construction job, I love my telephone company job and the people I work with and soon I will have to let that go too. 

Although I know I can email, call or visit my therapist at any time, I know things will never be the same again...I will never be the same again.  She is not only a good friend to me, but I believe she changed my life forever.  As a physical therapist she gave me part of my life back that Interstitial Cystitis (IC) had taken away.  If I had not went for therapy, I was headed down a path of being physically unable to walk or do much of anything.

When I was first diagnosed, all I wanted to do was sit or lay on my heating pads.  She encouraged me to walk daily and do stretches.  I thought I would never exercise again, but thanks to her guidance and encouragement I exercise everyday now. Each week she held me accountable for what I did or did not do.

She also encouraged me to look at my diet. I made some needed changes that will be better for my bladder.  It also encouraged me to look at ways to control my IBS through my diet.

But the main thing I love about her is her enthusiasm.  She is excited about what she does and really goes above and beyond her call of duty to genuinely show her patients that she really cares about them. She was the first person that I talked to about IC that didn't have it who seemed to honestly understand it...that alone was amazing in my book!

She is also a Christian.  We openly talked about the Lord and it was so encouraging to me that someone as young as her has such huge faith.  Her Christian influence with stay with me the rest of my life!

And of course her suggestions will too. Drink water, water, water and walk, walk, walk!!
She told me she thought I was ready and her advice was to keep doing what I am doing.  My words to her were few, but I have already told her many times before that I think she was an angel sent by God to me, to never loose her passion for what she does and that I felt such a great connection to her that I know God put the two of us together. 

Thank you Jenna for being such a great friend and an excellent therapist!!

You can read her blog posts at:
http://proaxispelvicpt.wordpress.com/

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

 https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

 

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My Little Girl

Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.  
As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another,
as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1 Peter 4:9-10  

Miranda and both of her Grandmothers

Miranda and her sister-in-law to be

I have been planning it for months.  And it finally happened Saturday.  It was so much hard word and so much fun!

A couple months ago I told my daughter that I would plan a wedding shower for her.  Obviously I said that on a day when I was feelin really good!

My daughter, her fiance' and I met one day and decided on the menu.  A couple weeks later we finalized the invitation list.  After buying 3 different types of invitations; I decided  on one and prepared most of them for mailing. We also hand delivered some of them.

My husband cleaned the front porch, cut the grass, went grocery shopping with me, made the rolo, pretzel, pecan thingies, bought and picked up the mums, pumpkins and the Chick fil A platter and so much more.

My future son-in-law ironed the tablecloths (He brought his own iron, for Pete's sake...he is very serious about his ironing!!)  He came over on the day of and did some cleaning for me and went and bought some more pumpkins and mums.  He also went to pick up the cupcakes.  I had ordered cupcakes the day before the shower.  When he went to pick them up; they told him someone else had picked them up.  What??!! Who did they give MY cupcakes too?? Oh well!!   He had to order some more and my daughter picked them up.

My mother-in-law made some delicious pecan muffins.  My sister-in-law helped with the food set up. She cooked the popcorn...and who doesn't love popcorn??!!  My Mom cut the vegetables and helped with the food set up. My best friend sent her punch recipe for "Preacher's Punch" all the way from New York and it was a hit!

What's a party without guests?  We had Aunts and sister-in-laws, Moms and Grandmothers. Two separate families came together, enjoyed some food and had some fun.  We even played some of those silly little bridal shower games.  Miranda was opposed the idea at first, but it turned out to be very entertaining.  One game we played consisted of me asking a list of questions that I had prepared. For example: If you have read your Bible this week, give yourself 2 points.  Whoever had the most points at the end would win a small prize.  At the end we had a two-way tie.  So I asked the tie breaker question.  It was still tied.  I asked another question...guess what...another tie.  I finally said "Ok, you both win!!"  I let both of them pick a prize.  It was a good way to break the ice and I think we all enjoyed ourselves.

All in all it was great day.  The weather was perfect and everyone pitched in.  It took so many people joining together for a common cause to make this bridal shower the success that is was.

I wanted Miranda to have a bridal shower that she would enjoy and cherish for years to come.  Although I have been feeling better, there is no way I could not have prepared everything by myself!  If I didn't have IC, I would not have asked for as much help as I did.  Relying on others is not a bad thing.  It is a good way to get to know your family and friends better. 

I cannot survive this IC journey by myself either.  I have to have the help and love of my family and friends just to make it day by day.  Taking on the challenge of IC by myself is hard to imagine.  Every day I trust in the Lord to give me the strength and courage to motivate and encourage others.  I trust that He will use my sufferings for His glory.


We all do crazy things for the ones we love.  Hosting a bridal shower at your house while you have Interstitial Cystitis (IC) is no small undertaking, but I wanted to do it for my daughter.  It is one of many ways that I want to show My Little Girl how much I love her.

Last minute plans before the guests arrive

The bride to be

My sister and my daughter

Me and my two new friends!

My Little Girl!

"Hospitality is sharing what we have and who we are with whomever God sends. Hospitality includes setting aside time for fellowship and being flexible in order to accommodate impromptu gatherings."

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

 https://twitter.com/bb65ichope 

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Keep On Truckin'

We had homecoming at my church last week.  I wasn't expecting it, but one of my best friends was there for the service.  She sat with me and another friend of ours.  She sat beside me and I could hear her singing along with the hymns.  It took me back to a place long ago when she and I used to sing in the church choir together when we were in Jr High School.  Ah, good memories!

We all went out to eat lunch together after the service.  It gave us a chance to catch up on each other and to have a few laughs together.  It was so much fun!  I was so thankful that I felt good enough to spend some more time with them.  It was so great to see her again!

Later that same day I helped Miranda and Vince with their wedding invitations.  Again I was thankful that I felt well enough to help them.  I wish I could do more to help, but I do as much as my body allows.

Going out to eat with my friends at a restaurant with hard seats and exerting large amounts of energy to talk and laugh do not come without a price for me.  Helping my daughter and future son in law with their wedding is something I greatly enjoy, but it too usually comes at a price for me over the next few days.  

The next day I felt achy and tired all over and my pain level was high most of the day. I wanted to go to a support meeting that evening, but I felt too bad.  So I just went to work,  I just had to "Keep On Truckin" and made it through the day.

Tuesday when I went to work at the Construction Company I was very tired all day.  It was a long day and I just had to "Keep on Truckin" until it was time to go home.

My brother mentioned to me that he and I have to "Keep on Truckin" and that we can help each other out.  I looked of the meaning of the comic "Keep on Truckin" and the meaning I found is...  "keep on doing your own thing regardless of obstacles."  There may be
hundreds of other meanings for these words, but I like this one.

I have thought of these words this week when I felt exhausted and I knew that I had to keep on going.  I thought of theses words last night when I suddenly felt nauseated and I was hurting from by belly button to my bladder.  I sought relief  and rest with 2 of my best
buddies...heating pad #1 and heating pad #2.  

As I was in bed I started getting anxious, but I decided to do some deep breathing and to recite scripture to myself.  "He took me by the hand and helped me."  It calmed me down...

When Alan came home with supper I felt like just laying there, but I decided I needed to "Keep on Truckin."  So I got up, and spent some time with him and I continued to feel better.

Who doesn't have obstacles in their life?  Yes, mine may be more than yours, but then some days yours are more than mine.  Everyone is going through something.  We all have to put our heart into it and keep on going.  

Living with Interstitial Cystitis (IC) and other chronic, invisible diseases has taught me that I am stronger than I thought I ever could be.  Sometimes I have to dig really deep.  I have to be really focused on a particular task in order to push through, but sometimes it is oh, so worth it!!

I also admired that he said "we can help each other."  I  like the idea of having someone that can be your motivator.  In return you try to encourage and motivate them!  Find someone that can be your Keep On Truckin (KOT) inspiration.  It can be a family member, church friend, support group friend or neighbor.  Seek them out by email, text, postcard or phone call.  You make the first step! So as the month for IC awareness comes to a close, let's all remember to help each other.  Yes, we need to spread awareness whenever and where ever possible.  But we should always remember as family, church family or IC family we all need to help each other "Keep On Truckin!"

Let me know what you and your KOT encourager are going to do for each other below...

Click on the link below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.icawareness.org/sample-page

 

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

 

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A New Chapter

I started a new chapter in "My New Life."  I started a new job, at a construction company.  I'm pretty sure I know what you are thinking...she has all the some glamorous jobs, lol.

This is me working on my core at The Construction Company, not!

I have worked for a small telephone company for the last 4 1/2 years, before that I worked at an office equipment dealership and now a construction company...not quite the fields I thought I would be in, when I went to modeling school years ago, but hey! I'm thankful for all the places that I have ever been employed!!

Learning new things and meeting new people has been good for me so far.  For months, I have know that my job would be scaled back and eventually there would be very little for me to do, so I have been praying that God would guide me to the right job. I was really concerned that I could not hold up to working full-time.  And I still am, because I'm only working 2 full days at the new job and 3 days at the telephone company.  At my telephone company job, I still have the freedom to work from home as much as needed.

For the most part, I have been feeling good enough to work. After my first full day, I came home and took a nap.  And I might have to do that more often and I'm ok with that.  I have been so busy at my new job, that I barely think about how much pain I am in during the day.  Of course, I have to push myself to wake up early, get ready and go to work.  Then I push myself to work the whole day, but so far it has been rewarding.

Around 1:00, I take a lunch break.  I usually take my lunch, so I can eat and take a short walk on my lunch hour.  It really helps to break up the day, revive my spirits and it is the perfect time of the year for walks, since the weather is cooling off a bit!!

I do get very tired in the last afternoon, but I joke with my co-worker that it is the time of the day, when I get silly, because I am so tired.  We make the best of it and laugh it off.

Starting a new job can be intimidating for most of us.  Especially those of us, with Interstitial Cystitis (IC), chronic pain or those of us who wake up each day hoping that we are going to have  "good day" and not a day of pain, depression or pure exhaustion. I'm sure most of you can relate to some of this, but as an IC patient I feel like I have so many more variables to fear now.

As I said, I have known that I needed to find another job for a while now.  And I have certainly not been at peace with the whole situation.  My life was going a certain way, I knew what to expect (to some extent) and I didn't want to leave my comfort zone.  I have been praying for God's guidance all along.  There was a point when I was very depressed about it.  I didn't want to leave the comfort of my job and the friends that I have there.  I even asked God, if there was a way to change it, please provide a way where I do not have to look for another job. That was not in His plan for me...

There was a song in my head many, many days.  Through many tears I would pray the words to this song..."If there's a road I should walk, help me find it.  If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment. Whatever your will, whatever your will. Can you help me find it?" 

Fear has controlled many of my days. I am afraid that I cannot do this. And I can't...on my own.  Doubt has been in the forefront of my thoughts for so long.  I was skeptical that I would even find a job, much less find another one before the one I have ended. I was giving Him fear and He was giving me faith.  I was giving Him doubt and He gave me grace...those are my favorite lyrics from this awe-inspiring song.

I have a long way to go with this new job, in this new chapter of my new life, but I will continue pray to God "Whatever your will, whatever your will." I know that God will provide what is needed, when it is needed. 

"Help Me Find It' by Sidewalk Prophets

 

Click on the link below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.icawareness.org/sample-page

 

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

 

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The Voice

It finally happened!  When I was first diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (IC), I begged several doctors for it.  I have cried and cried about it recently, thinking that if I could do it, I would feel normal, that it would help me so much.

I did it and it felt good!  I went to an IC support group meeting.  It was great to be among people who instantly became my friends and part of my IC family.  It was interesting to meet people for the first time and immediately begin to share parts of my intimate life with them...but that's what IC makes you do! 

I am usually quiet around people I don't know and just listen and learn.  Not this time, they were speaking my language. They were sharing stories of their IC history, medications and things that have helped them. 

My life revolves around my IC and these wonderful ladies go through a lot of the same struggles I go through.  I have known all along that I was not crazy and that my trials were real, but to actually meet people who deal with the some of the daily struggles I do, was comforting. 

Not that I am glad they have IC, oh no, I would not wish this on anyone, but that they "get me" and "get them."   We all have had different journeys and there is no "one size fits all" for our treatment.  But encouragement, laughter and sharing was just what this girl has been needing for a long time!!

My church family shares a similar part in my life.  Just as I need my IC family to comfort and cheer me, I need my church family to encourage and strengthen me.  We have church families to build each other up and not to gossip with or start arguments.

My church family has meant so much to me, but especially in the last year and half, since I have had IC.  I have made bonds with people that I cherish.  Some of these bonds would have been made, if I didn't have my IC story to share.

God is using me to share my story with people I would have never known without IC in my life.  I can share about IC and how He has brought peace into my life.

September is IC Awareness month.  I try to make everyone I come in contact aware of IC and the symptoms of IC.  During my support group meeting, I handed out my flyer about IC.  Not because they need to know about it, but maybe it might inspire them to do some type of awareness or maybe they would like to share the information with some of their friends. 

As my fellow blogger, who is part of my IC family pointed out, we don't have a Maria Shiver to spread awareness about our disease, but we do have ourselves. I am the voice of IC awareness.  If you are reading this, even if you don't have IC, you are the voice of IC awareness!!

Click on the link to my friend's blog post: 

http://www.iccatherine.blogspot.com/2013/09/who-will-speak-for-us.html

Click on the link below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.icawareness.org/sample-page

 

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

 

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http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65

 

Me Time

My husband gave me a gift certificate on Mother's Day for an
 one hour massage. Well, being the kind of person that I am, I was saving it for a rainy day.  I have never been one to dive in and use something up, I like to savor things!

I can remember, as a child, I would have a whole jack o lantern (plastic of course) full of Halloween candy. By Christmas time, I would still have pieces of candy...even the "good stuff" leftover.

Right now, if you were to look in my pantry, you would see my stash of chocolate that I bought a few weeks ago. Lately I have been keeping some chocolate on hand, but I only eat a few pieces at a time.  Not only because I have Interstitial Cystitis and chocolate is a known bladder irritant, but because I tend to hoard things.

Since a few months had gone by, I decided to book my appointment for my massage and just enjoy it! My energy level has been a little higher lately...Thank you Lord, so I thought it would be a good time to relish in the luxury. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High ... Psalm 9:2.

As I made my way to the spa, I was feeling anxious. It was the unknown, that was overwhelming my rational thoughts.  I was actually a bundle of nerves. But the atmosphere of the spa was so calming.  It was dimly light, only by candles and small lamps. There was soft, serene music playing in the background and the aroma was pleasing and not too over powering.

The massage therapist sat down with me before the massage and talked with me about all of my medical conditions.  She said she remembered when my husband came in.  She said he was so thoughtful and wanted to make sure that I enjoyed my massage.  Almost implying to her to be extra gentle with me.

My instructions to her were that my pelvic area was tender, but I seemed to have more pain relief from a more powerful therapy everywhere else in my body.

As she began to massage my shoulders, I felt a sense of relaxation in those poor, achy muscles. As she continued the massage, I began talking to her about my IC and how it has changed my life.  Explaining that the struggles of IC have brought me closer in my walk with God.

As it turned out, she is a Christian too, so we connected on a personal level.  We talked about many things, but the one thing that stood out in my mind was when she said "God is sovereign and everything happens for a reason."  These are words I definitely believe, but it was such a great reminder that I truly needed to hear.

Continuing through the massage, when she started rubbing my head, I thought I had died on gone to heaven.  It felt so great, that I didn't want it to end.  I closed my eyes and wanted to appreciate the whole experience to the fullest extent!  I was so relaxed at this point, that I believe I was merely minutes away from falling asleep!

Then she said "Ok Barbara, I'm finished now." No! No! Just a few more minutes. I had flashbacks to Jr. High school when my Mom woke me up for school.  You know that feeling of, "No, no this can't be over!!"  

I felt so wonderful afterwards and it was such a great feeling to meet a sister in Christ.  The whole experience was lovely and I can't wait until I am able to go back for another one!!

As someone who experiences chronic pain, I know that it can take a toll on your body AND mind.  The whole massage process, for me, was "just what the doctor ordered."  If you are dealing with chronic pain, stress or other issues in your life, take the time to pamper yourself.  Take some "me time" and indulge yourself because YOU deserve it!

Granted I won't be able to go for a massage every week or every month for that matter, but I can do other things for some "me time."  I enjoy long, hot baths, writing, reading, walking and listening to music.  You may like drawing, painting or cooking.  You know what you enjoy, so take the time to do it.  We all need that "me time!"

Below I have compiled a short list of suggested "Me Time" things to do on a budget:

• 1. Rent a movie.  Put on some comfy clothes, pop some popcorn, grab a bottle of water and enjoy!

• 2. Give yourself a manicure or a pedicure. Take that old polish off.  Soak your feet in a bucket or bowl of warm, soapy water.  Relax a few minutes. Next soak your hands for a while. Paint your nails with a great new color. Sit back and relax some more while they dry.  

• 3. Go for a short drive.  Turn on some of your favorite music.  Drive down a country road.  Enjoy the music and the scenery.

I'm sure you can think of some other great ideas. If you want to share them, comment below and we all can see them!

September is IC Awareness month!

Click on the link below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.icawareness.org/sample-page

 

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

  https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

 

You can follow me on Pinterest:

http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65

 

Peace

I see more than one doctor to treat my Interstitial Cystitis (IC).  I think it is a good idea to have more than one doctor's opinion for my treatment plans.  A second pair of eyes to offer ideas for treatment, medication and advice.

My husband always drives me to see my Urologist. He is not conveniently located, as a matter of fact, he is about an hour and a half away from where I live.  My husband has to take time off from work and so do I.  However, we try make the best of it and eat a nice meal on the way home.

I made a visit to see my Urologist this week. He is the one that suggested I try Elmiron again to try to rebuild my bladder lining.  Elmiron is the only oral drug approved by the FDA for the treatment of pain and discomfort for IC.

I tried it for 7 months, but I decided that the quality of life that I had from the side effects were not worth it for me to take it any longer.  I was nauseated all the time!  Every day was a struggle because I was nauseated.  I was so nauseated that I didn't feel like eating much, so I was also very weak.

During my visit, I told him that I quit taking Elmiron.  I thought he would be disappointed, but he seemed to really understand my reasons for not wanting to take it anymore.  He is not only my doctor, but I feel like he is a friend too.  Not a friend that I hang out with, but he seems to genuinely care about me as a person.

He broke the news to me that he will be leaving and moving far, far away to New York to start his own practice.  What??!!! What about ME??!!  While I am happy that he is able to pursue his dream of having his own practice, forget all that! What about ME??  I left his office discouraged.

He is going to refer me to another doctor in the same office that treats IC patients. All the way home I thought about the possibility that the new doctor won't understand IC as well as he does.  I am usually a very calm person, but I seem to be more anxious in general, now that I have IC and all the other related conditions.  

I was quiet all the way home because I was thinking about having to "break in" a new doctor.  I knew that I was stressing myself and that I shouldn't be, but the thought of any kind of change in my life seems staggering to me right now.

We were almost home and we were riding across a bridge over a lake in my hometown.  I looked up in the sky and saw the most amazing sunset that I have ever seen.  It was filled with blues and purples and a brilliant orange...stunning!

Not the actual sunset I saw, but the colors were similar.

As I saw this beautiful display of God's works, I felt a sense of peace.  I felt like that sunset was just for me.  That is was my heavenly Father's way of telling me that He is always beside me,all the time...even when have to find another doctor to treat my battle with IC.

We are always going to have troubles and concerns in our life, but God promises us the strength and peace to make it through anything.  "Just the time I need him he's always there."

How does God give you peace? Let me know your thoughts below.

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/bb65ichope 

 

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  http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65