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Sunday, October 21, 2012

A Gift From God

I had a difficult week, not only physically, but mentally.  It all started when a co-worker's baby was born on Monday.  It triggered emotions that I have not felt in years.  I was pregnant 9 years ago and lost the baby. I was never able to get pregnant again and finally had a hysterectomy because of all the problems I was having.  Losing that baby was so difficult. I wanted another child so bad. It took me a long time to get over that. When I did, I realized that everything happens for a reason and that God had different plans for me.  However, when I saw a picture of his baby, the flood gates opened. I felt very sorry for myself on the way to work. When I pulled up in front of the office, I started crying.  At that very moment, I heard a text come in on my cell phone. It was my daughter. I stopped crying and answered her text. I felt ashamed that I was feeling so sorry for myself and pulled myself together and went in to work.

Tuesday I felt so good, I went into work early and stayed late. I was pain free and my spirits were good,  I didn't even take the time to stop for a walk or a lunch break. I just ate lunch at my desk. We were very busy at work.  I had things I needed to do,so I never slowed down. I was feeling "normal." That was until about 6:30 when my IC body said "what are you doing??!!"  I hit a wall and I hit it fast. I was so tired that night, when I tried to go to sleep, I had trouble.  I had to take something for the pain and to help me sleep. The next day was even worse. I could barely function as a person. I was so tired and in so much pain. I was also feeling sorry for myself again. I sent my daughter a text and explained how lousy I felt and why. She said I should know better. Talk about role reversal. She was telling me I should know better? I thought about what she said and I knew that she was right. I did know better, I did over do it. But let me try to explain. When you have IC, you feel bad so often that sometimes you just want to feel "normal" and do all the things you used to do before you had IC. I also thought I am so blessed to have my daughter. I felt so ashamed again for being upset that I could not have more children. God knew that I would need my daughter to help me one day when I was struggling and he gave me Miranda. He has blessed me so much with her life. I am so proud of her and the young lady that she is today. She is truly my gift from God.

"Every good gift and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" James 1:16

 I wrote a poem about her life this year for her birthday. It describes her life from the beginning, to her childhood when she was so fearless to last year when her pap smear results came back with precancerous cells. God decided he would protect her and she is doing fine now. I have a copy of the poem below.

CNA Graduation
Miranda & Flopsey
Senior Prom

High School Graduation

Me & Miranda

I want to dedicate this blog to my beautiful daughter. I am so thankful that God blessed me 22 years ago with her beautiful life.


Beautiful baby
God’s gift to us all
How could we take care of you?
So fragile and so small

Beautiful baby
Daddy’s little girl
Tiny little angel
Welcome to our world

And then she grows…

Beautiful girl
Mama’s little dream
Fearless and friendly
Dancing, beauty queen

Watching you grow
We can’t wait to see
When you grow up
Who you will be

Beautiful Lady
Our hearts are amazed
Bold and daring
Gentle, caring ways

And now you are grown
You’re in God’s hands
When the storm came
He kept you in His plans

Beautiful Lady
Heart full of gold
We are so proud of you
Now that you’re grown!

By: Barbara Bennett