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Sunday, January 27, 2013

I'm Alive!

This week has been draining, both mentally and physically.  I went to physical therapy on Tuesday this week. I told my therapist that I was not sore from last week. Well, she showed me, she really worked me over.  She was doing skin rolling on my legs, back and sides.  She said the connective tissue on my sides was constricted more that anyone she had seen.  It was very painful, but I know that it helps me tremendously, so I endured the pain.

I wasn't sore when I left therapy, so I went on a quick shopping trip.  I was mainly returning an item, but I received a store credit.  A store credit is an opportunity to shop again!  As I was looking around the store, I started to feel like every muscle in my body was sore. I didn't shop for long and embarked on my hour and a half journey home. 

I couldn't wait to get home and soak in a hot tub with Epsom salt (my sanctuary) See blog post entitled "On The Lighter Side"  Even after a long soak, every muscle ached and I knew I was in for a rough night of trying to sleep.  As it turned out, I took something to help me sleep and I slept 8 straight hours!  Let me repeat that, 8 straight hours!!! That has not happened in the last 11 months that I have been sick.  I felt great the next day!  What was God doing??

The next day, I felt like my mental and physical capacity were in over-drive.  I was a little chatter box at work and decided that I wanted to go to church that night.  I hardly ever go to church on Wednesday night.  I feel like it is just too much on my body to go to work and sit at my desk for so long and then go and sit at church.  It also drains my limited energy to have to socialize in any way. The walk from the car to the church even seems daunting to me, after I have worked all day.  But I just felt a strong urge to go. 

Our pastor was not there and the Young Adult Minster shared a message with us.  Afterwards, I asked him to talk with me.  I needed some Christian counseling, as I often do now that I have IC.  I felt like God was trying to get my attention that there was something that I needed to be doing for His ministry. We talked and I cried.  He pointed out, that whatever I do, I need to be passionate about it.

Well, what am I passionate about?  I am passionate about helping other people who are suffering.  I am passionate about writing. And I am passionate about telling others about Jesus. God was preparing my heart...

The next day I had the chance to talk to someone about Jesus.  Before I had IC, I did not have the courage to do that. Oh no, not me.  Someone else would have to do that not me! 

IC has changed me.  Some things that have changed are making me a better person.  After all it is enough to just be a nice person, right??? I can just do good things and I will go to heaven, right? I know the answer is "No!"  You have to believe in Jesus, confess your sins and commit the rest of your life to live for the Lord, then when you die you will go to heaven.
After I talked with my Assistant Pastor, I had a meltdown on the way home. I was feeling very sorry for myself.  My body is so limited in what I can do now that I sometimes feel like God is disappointed with me.  As I was thinking about this, the lyrics to this song were in my head. 

The Hurt And The Healer
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have

All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through...

Mercyme The Hurt And The Healer

I'm not dying from Interstitial Cystitis (IC), I'm alive!  A part of me has died, but I also have my new life now. My favorite line from this song is "Jesus, please don't let this go in vain."  I don't want all my suffering to go in vain.  I want good things to come from it.  I can still encourage others and set a good example.  I can still tell others about Jesus and write my blog. I can still counsel and motivate others. 

Sometimes God leads us the hard way instead of the easy way. If everything is easy in our lives, how will we ever learn to lean on him?  If we think everything is good in our lives, then we are more tempted to handle things ourselves.

If someone is sick, dying or having surgery what is the first thing they do?  They ask for prayer or turn to God for help.  If you are suffering, sick or just feel like something is missing in your life, it is the perfect time to get closer to God.  

You ever have that feeling that you should be a better person or treat others with more compassion?  Where do you think that feeling comes from?  God!  He is tugging at your heartstrings and He wants you to let Him into your life. So if He is tugging at yours like he is tugging at mine then I hope you will take His hand and let Him guide you.

Even though a part of me has died, I still hope that God will take what is left of me and use it for His will because...I'm alive!

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