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Sunday, September 15, 2013

A New Chapter

I started a new chapter in "My New Life."  I started a new job, at a construction company.  I'm pretty sure I know what you are thinking...she has all the some glamorous jobs, lol.
This is me working on my core at The Construction Company, not!

I have worked for a small telephone company for the last 4 1/2 years, before that I worked at an office equipment dealership and now a construction company...not quite the fields I thought I would be in, when I went to modeling school years ago, but hey! I'm thankful for all the places that I have ever been employed!!

Learning new things and meeting new people has been good for me so far.  For months, I have know that my job would be scaled back and eventually there would be very little for me to do, so I have been praying that God would guide me to the right job. I was really concerned that I could not hold up to working full-time.  And I still am, because I'm only working 2 full days at the new job and 3 days at the telephone company.  At my telephone company job, I still have the freedom to work from home as much as needed.

For the most part, I have been feeling good enough to work. After my first full day, I came home and took a nap.  And I might have to do that more often and I'm ok with that.  I have been so busy at my new job, that I barely think about how much pain I am in during the day.  Of course, I have to push myself to wake up early, get ready and go to work.  Then I push myself to work the whole day, but so far it has been rewarding.

Around 1:00, I take a lunch break.  I usually take my lunch, so I can eat and take a short walk on my lunch hour.  It really helps to break up the day, revive my spirits and it is the perfect time of the year for walks, since the weather is cooling off a bit!!

I do get very tired in the last afternoon, but I joke with my co-worker that it is the time of the day, when I get silly, because I am so tired.  We make the best of it and laugh it off.

Starting a new job can be intimidating for most of us.  Especially those of us, with Interstitial Cystitis (IC), chronic pain or those of us who wake up each day hoping that we are going to have  "good day" and not a day of pain, depression or pure exhaustion. I'm sure most of you can relate to some of this, but as an IC patient I feel like I have so many more variables to fear now.

As I said, I have known that I needed to find another job for a while now.  And I have certainly not been at peace with the whole situation.  My life was going a certain way, I knew what to expect (to some extent) and I didn't want to leave my comfort zone.  I have been praying for God's guidance all along.  There was a point when I was very depressed about it.  I didn't want to leave the comfort of my job and the friends that I have there.  I even asked God, if there was a way to change it, please provide a way where I do not have to look for another job. That was not in His plan for me...

There was a song in my head many, many days.  Through many tears I would pray the words to this song..."If there's a road I should walk, help me find it.  If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment. Whatever your will, whatever your will. Can you help me find it?" 

Fear has controlled many of my days. I am afraid that I cannot do this. And I can't...on my own.  Doubt has been in the forefront of my thoughts for so long.  I was skeptical that I would even find a job, much less find another one before the one I have ended. I was giving Him fear and He was giving me faith.  I was giving Him doubt and He gave me grace...those are my favorite lyrics from this awe-inspiring song.

I have a long way to go with this new job, in this new chapter of my new life, but I will continue pray to God "Whatever your will, whatever your will." I know that God will provide what is needed, when it is needed. 

"Help Me Find It' by Sidewalk Prophets


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