Just Like Old Times

Last Sunday was Mother's Day.  I felt ok physically, but I was in a bad mood.  Nothing in particular, I was just having a bad day.  I didn't go to church.  I knew that going to church and celebrating with my family was just too much.  So I conserved my energy.

My family met at a restaurant for lunch.  I was not able to enjoy the meal or the company.  Not only because of my mood, but because of the chairs.  The restaurant had those dreaded wooden chairs.  Sitting is painful for me because of my vulvodynia (chronic pain in the lady parts), chronic posterior thigh pain and sciatica.  I could not sit in them for more than about 10 minutes at a time.  Luckily this particular restaurant had a store that I could browse around in and avoid those terrible chairs.

Afterwards we went to my Mom's house.  My brother was picking on me (as brother's do), but I certainly was not in the mood for it and he hurt my feelings.  I know that I am overly emotional now that I have Interstitial Cystitis (IC).  I have always been an overly sensitive person, but now it is even worse.  It was one of those days that I just wanted to be over!

My daughter, Miranda, was going to come see me the next day.  When I woke up the next day, I was still in that terrible mood from the day before.  I decided that I needed to take a pain pill and change my attitude.  I kept telling myself that I needed to practice what I preach (see blog post entitled "Attitude" http://bb65ichope.blogspot.com/2013/05/attitude.html).

Miranda came over and we decided to cook supper.  Miranda and I started cooking and my husband finished.  We ate supper together...just the 3 of us.  It was just like old times when my daughter lived at home.  I enjoyed it so much.

After supper we all 3 sat in the living room and talked...just like old times. Then I opened gifts from my daughter.  Her gift selections were perfect.  She gave me a frog flag, sunflower plates and giraffe pattern candle holders.  I love frogs.  No,of course not real ones!! But they are cute in pictures, etc.  I also try to change my small flag by the mailbox frequently.  I have decorated my kitchen with sunflowers.  They seem so bright and cheery.  I have just started decorating in my bathroom with giraffe print.

She also gave me a card.  It was the perfect card for me.  Inside the card there was some Scripture that I want to share with you.

"Oh, how grateful and thankful I am to the Lord because He is so good." Psalm 7:17

This Scripture summed up how I felt...thankful to the Lord for my daughter, my husband, my mother, my brother and all of my family. Even though I don't show it all the time (as I should), I am so thankful for all that God has given me. IC has changed my life, but I still have my family and I feel incredibly blessed!

 http://www.sharemayflowers.org

Share MayFlowers is a public health and awareness campaign focused primarily on the under-discussed topics of female pelvic and perinatal health, launched by Women's Action Initiative.

To learn more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.ichelp.org

You can follow me on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

You can follow me on Pinterest:

  http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

Attitude

I didn't feel good last weekend, so I mostly rested. By Monday morning, I felt better.  By Monday afternoon, I felt achy all over, very tired and I had a low grade fever.  I came home from work and went straight to bed.  I didn't sleep, but I rested for about an hour and a half.  I thought I was in an Interstitial Cystitis (IC) flare.

Tuesday I didn't feel any better, but by then I was convinced that it was not an IC flare.  I just thought it was just another day in the life of an IC patient. IC patients have to get used to feeling bad most of the time.  So I took some pain relievers, worked from home and then headed to physical therapy.  I didn't feel like going, but I didn't want to skip a week either.

I have been going to physical therapy for pelvic floor dysfunction and vulvodynia for over 6 months now.  One of the treatments my therapist does is skin rolling.  It helps relieve the restrictions of my connective tissue.  It hurts sooo much when she does it, but I know it helps relieve some of my pain in the long run.

This week my therapist was doing the skin rolling on my front upper thighs.  It was in a spot that she hasn't worked on before and it was causing me so much pain.  But I have been going through this for quite some time now, so that was nothing new.  However, my body decided to respond in a different way this week.  

I started feeling dizzy.  I told my therapist "I feel lightheaded as if I'm about to pass out." My body was responding to all the pain.  I almost passed out.  It was just to much for the "ole bod." 

She was able to get in a few more stretches on me, before we called it quits.  I was so disappointed that I drove all that way and didn't have a full session.  But I am thankful that she was able to do about half of what she normally does.

She took my blood pressure and it was 105/65.  Mine usually runs low, but that was lower than normal. I was quickly treated to some Sierra Mist to try to bring up my blood sugar level.  I still felt dizzy every time I moved my head.

She then gave me a choice of 3 different goodies. She had chocolate, a pastry and some kind of fruit snack.  She asked which one I wanted.  I said "Is this one of your trick questions?"  My therapist will ask me questions sometimes to see if I am paying attention and taking her advice or not.  Oh, how sneaky!  She said "No," so I went for the chocolate of course.  I think it was the best piece of chocolate that I have ever eaten.

For about 20 minutes or so we just sat there talking and eating chocolate... (Chocolate is a known bladder irritant, as she usually would say, but today was different.)  I started feeling better and headed straight back home.  I felt fine on the way and all the drama for the day was over.  My therapist kept apologizing to me for what happened.  It wasn't her fault and it wasn't my fault.  It just happened.

We can't always control what happens in our life, but we can manage how we react.  We all have strife in our life...hey, I'm a poet! :) But our attitude can make all the difference.  We can let our struggles control us or we can do our best to control our struggles. 

I am trying to control my situation by helping others.  It makes me feel better to encourage people with IC and other related conditions. You can do this too, it helps take the focus off of you.  I am also exercising every day.  Even though you don't feel like it, you can push yourself to do this.  We all know it is the best thing for our bodies.

I try to connect with others on a daily basis.  I know isolation can make me more depressed. You can do this by being involved with your church, work, or with family and neighbors. Another thing I do is to allow myself to feel unhappy.  I am able to express my feelings through this blog and my journal. You should find an activity or hobby that you enjoy to keep your mind occupied and off of your battles.

And then their are times in our struggles that we feel like we just can't take this anymore!  I know this feeling all too well because I have been there over and over!!  We need to reach out to Jesus to help carry us.

 

Josh Wilson "Carry Me"  I love me some acoustic guitar...

 

Josh Wilson wrote this song about his own struggles with anxiety and panic attacks.  He points out that Christ is bigger than any problem we have and we have to do is say "Christ I need You to carry me."

"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:6

In this verse Paul sets an example for us to always have a good attitude.  It's not easy to be cheerful when things are not going our way, but we should try not to loose heart or grow weary.

What do yo do to keep a good attitude during your struggles?  What are some of your interests or hobbies that help keep your mind occupied?  Let me know your thoughts below.

  http://www.sharemayflowers.org

Share MayFlowers is a public health and awareness campaign focused primarily on the under-discussed topics of female pelvic and perinatal health, launched by Women's Action Initiative.

To learn more about Interstitial Cystitis:

http://www.ichelp.org

You can follow me on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

You can follow me on Pinterest:

  http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com

 

 

How Many Times?

Thursday was my best day this week until...guess what I did? I OVER did that's what!  How many times will go I go down this road?  My mood was exceptionally good and I felt good physically too.  So I guess I felt somewhat "normal."  Normal is not a feeling I have very often now, since I have been diagnosed with interstitial Cystitis (IC), so I wanted to take advantage of it.

I went shopping for walking shoes after work.  I was hoping to find a pair just like the ones I bought last year, but apparently that is not the way it works.  The style I wanted was long gone and replaced by newer, might I say, much brighter ones.

Well if you know me at all, you know that I love bright colors.  I have chosen bright colors throughout my house.  I prefer bright colors for nail polish, pocketbooks and clothes.  But I didn't really want bright colors for my shoes.


Of course there were other brands with colors that were more dull, but I wanted to stick with the brand that worked so well for me in my last pair.  The salesperson was very helpful and made some good points.  He said that bright colors are best for runners, so that they stand out.  Well, I'm definitely NOT a runner now...I can barely walk most of the time.

By the time I made it home it was one of those times when I could barely walk.  I was in so much pain and so exhausted, I went straight for my sanctuary (see blog post "On The Lighter Side"  http://bb65ichope.blogspot.com/2012/10/on-lighter-side.html).  I just sat in the bathtub and cried.

I have been worn out since my shopping trip 2 days ago.  I keep thinking how many times will I do this and why?  I think the reason why is because I want to think that I am doing so much better than I really am.  I want to do the things I want to do. I want to do the things that I used to do. But that is MY plan not God's plan for me.

Since I have thought about this so much, I would love to think that I won't over do it again.  I would love to think that I have learned my lesson.  But the truth is, once I have a taste of "normal" life, I will only want more.  You know how the AT & T commercial goes "We want more, we want more!"  Those commercials are so cute!

                                                                                  

                                                  AT & T commercial "We Want More"

But how many of us are standing on a road we didn't plan?  One minute you are fine, the next minute you are walking through the shadows of life.  We need to take the time to listen to that still, small voice.  The one that is telling us that there is meaning to what we are going through.  God wants to strengthen our faith for His glory through our struggles.

1 Chronicles 16:11  Seek the LORD and his strength;  seek his presence continually!

 

I chose the live version of this song, just for my brother!

Have you ever over done it?  Have you found meaning in the struggles you are going through? Share your stories below.

 http://www.sharemayflowers.org

Share MayFlowers is a public health and awareness campaign focused primarily on the under-discussed topics of female pelvic and perinatal health, launched by Women's Action Initiative.

To learn more about Interstitial Cystitis:

  http://www.ichelp.org

You can follow me on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/bb65ichope

You can follow me on Pinterest:

  http://pinterest.com/bbbennett65

You can email me:

bbbennett65@gmail.com