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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Freedom

Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he"..

This past week will be in my mind as one of the hardest weeks I have had lately. I needed to go to work each day at 9:00 and stay until 5:00. Doesn't seem like such a difficult task does it? But if you have Interstitial Cystits (IC) and insomnia, combined with pelvic floor dysfunction (pfd), vulvodynia (vv), blended with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and Fibromyalgia (fibro) and topped off with Chronic Fatigue (tiredness beyond your imagination), you might see it as a challenge as I did.


My pain level was high by lunchtime on Monday, so I took a pain reliever. By 4:00, I was lightheaded and nauseated. By 5:30, I decided I needed to go home. It was difficult to drive because I was so dizzy. I ate a few crackers and only a few bites of supper. I was still extremely nauseated and exhausted.
   
My daughter, Miranda and her fiance came by the house to pick up her dog. They had good news to tell us! They have set a date for their wedding! I wanted to discuss the plans she had, but I was so weak I could barely function.


I was so frustrated that IC robbed me of so much of my energy that I could not share in their joy. I had used all my energy earlier that day just trying to be “normal.” Normal as in working a full day, normal as in talking to my co-workers, normal as in spending time with my family and not going to bed.



As a mother, I have looked forward to the day when my daughter was going to tell me she was planning her wedding. But I didn't have enough energy to express my happiness, I barely had enough to speak at all.



By the time I tried to go to sleep that night, I was a hot mess. I was tense all over my body. My back hurt. I had sore achy muscles in my shoulders and back and from my thighs all the way down to my feet. My stomach was swollen and I had vaginal burning. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't hurt, but especially my heart.



I was heartbroken that on a day that I should be so happy, IC and other related conditions made me miserable. As I closed my eyes to sleep, my head started spinning from the nausea. Boy, did I feel sorry for me! I cried myself to sleep.



My week continued to be a series of nights that I would sleep for a few hours and then wake up and not be able to fall back asleep for a couple of hours. Then I would wake up dead tired, go to work, experience a lot of pain, eat supper and then try to fall asleep again, crying myself to sleep. I repeated the cycle day after day. I was in a dark place with my thoughts and I couldn't seem to find my way out.



We have all had similar experiences like this. As I started writing this post, I had no idea what message I was supposed to learn or how my experience of depression and darkness was supposed to be encouraging to you...



If I don't feel well enough to go to church on Sunday morning, I usually watch “In Touch with Charles Stanley” on TV. However, when I turned it on today, he was not preaching. There was a soldier that served in Afghanistan talking. He said that all of us have experienced loss. It may be the loss of a loved one, a job or income.

I think with IC patients, it may be the loss of full use of your body, loss of energy, loss of the life you had before or loss of freedom in our daily lives that so many people take for granted. (Feel free to insert your own loss or struggle here.)



He said we need to listen to the message that is being taught through our loss. We need to embrace the heartache or pain and use it as an ally to further God's plan. He said staying in the pain becomes our handicap, if we let it...ouch, did somebody just step on my toes?!!?

He said that God takes away things in our life, so we depend on Him. We learn to depend on God's strength, listen to Him speak to us daily and that is where true freedom comes from in our lives.
So if a soldier, who lost both of his legs fighting for our freedom, can see that God is using him through his loss, then I think we owe it to God to seek out freedom in our loss, whatever our own personal loss may be!

I will provide a link to the soldier's story.  If you are unable to watch all of the video, at least watch his story about 20 minutes into the video.  I think your heart will be blessed!!

Share with me some similar story you have or your thoughts about his story below:


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Some additional tips for IC Patients:

For more information on Interstitial Cystitis please visit the ICA Website


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