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Sunday, April 28, 2013

Not Exactly What I Wanted

I sat in the car as my husband went in our neighbor's house. Not because I wanted to, but because I thought I needed to.  After all we were on our way to my daughter's house for a quick visit and then to eat supper.  All of this after working all day.  It was just too much for me!

Interstitial Cystitis (IC) is a constant battle for me.  Should I rest or should I try to "be normal?"  But this neighbor was not just any neighbor this neighbor is the one that bought the first house that we built.  We built our first house in 2005.  We sold it to them in 2008.

We wanted to build another house on the other side of town, but we could not find the land we wanted.  We ended up building another house on the same road.  Yep,we have built two houses on the same road.  How crazy is that??!!

I would have loved to go into my neighbor's house and see what they have done with the place, but I also knew I needed to conserve energy.  Not exactly what I wanted, but necessary for now.

We went to my daughter's house only for a few minutes and then headed out to eat.  The meal took a little longer than usual.  Toward the end of the meal, I was in too much pain to enjoy myself.  After I finished eating, I told Alan I needed to stand up.  I was so uncomfortable from sitting that I went outside and just stood by the car.  This time it was not the chronic fatigue that was screaming the loudest, but the sciatic nerve pain.  Not exactly what I wanted, but necessary for now.

Since I have been diagnosed with IC, I have to really think about the choices I make each day.  How much energy is this going to consume?  Is there a soft chair that I can sit on?  Am I going to be awkward and stand up when everyone else is sitting down? Are my clothes and shoes going to be comfortable based on the symptoms that are screaming today?

But we all know life is about choices. Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we make bad choices and sometimes we make really, really bad choices! Do you just go through life just making choices without any guidance or do you seek God's wisdom in your choices?  I think the latter is better, but not always easy to do!

IC (insert your own struggles here) can rob you of parts of your life. It can take away time from family and friends. It can take you away from your job, your interests and many social events.  It can even take away time you spend with God...if you let it.

We all make choices in our daily lives.  I would have never chosen to have IC (again insert your own struggles here), but I do not know the ultimate plan God has for my life.  I choose to seek God's picture perfect plan no matter what is going on in my life.  It may be a life of struggles and heartache...not exactly what I wanted, but necessary for now. 
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
I heard this song the other day when I was having one of my meltdowns.  I was on the way to physical therapy and decided to listen to some music to calm me down.  I turned off the radio and started listening to CD that I already in the player.  It was on this song and it made me feel better, I hope it makes you feel better too!

What are some choices that you have to make in your daily struggles?  What do you do when you are having a meltdown to calm you?  Please share your comments below.

Share MayFlowers is a public health and awareness campaign focused primarily on the under-discussed topics of female pelvic and perinatal health, launched by Women's Action Initiative.
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