My New Life: That Old Familiar Feeling

Whew, what a week. Monday I went back to work for the first time since being out with the flu all last week. To say I was tired at 5:00 would be a major understatement. When I came home from work I rested in the bed about an hour I felt a little better.

Tuesday was my six week evaluation at physical therapy. My therapist asked me some questions, checked the strength in my legs and basically said she doesn't think that the physical therapy has been helping me. I smiled to cover up my true feelings and said "You are not giving up on me are you?" But I already knew the answer. We did agree to try a few more weeks to see if it would help. She left the room to try to work out a schedule for me.

That old familiar feeling of disappointment of having hope in a new treatment and knowing that is it not going to work came over me and displayed itself by the drops falling from my eyes. It takes a lot to make me cry now days. I take so many medications to control the tears, but I truly felt discouraged! The schedule she came back with would not work with my work schedule at all! I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation I decided to take a step back and regroup my thoughts about the whole subject and not schedule any appointments...here I am again with another medical professional essentially saying I'm not sure what to do to help you.

I had such high hopes that physical therapy was going to be the "magic" to relieve my sciatica. The massages felt great even if it was only temporary. Now I'm not sure what to do...I'm just going to put up the walls around me and feel sorry for myself...that is what I did, but then I decided I must keep moving forward.

Wednesday I was so tired physically that I didn't want to go to church. However I knew mentally and spiritually it would be the best idea for me. We even made plans to go visit a young couple in our church that just had a baby...ahh, something to look forward to for the next day.

My preacher, his wife, another gentleman from our church and I went to see the baby. He is only 4 weeks old, but he already has so much character. With each smile and grunt I could see tears welling up in the eyes of my preacher's wife. I felt like I knew why...children are a gift from God. I think either one of us would have taken that young fella home with us. I look forward to hopefully having grandchildren one day, but for now I will enjoy the personality of this lil one. Just being around the newborn and his family blessed my heart and I didn't dwell on the frustrations of my life.

Me and a bundle of joy!

Was I exhausted before we went? Yep! Was I more exhausted after we went? Of course! Did I have to take more pain medication that day? Sure did! Was it worth it? Absolutely!

I'm trying not to dwell on the negative in my life I'm praying for focus and guidance. I do not know what I need to do next. However; I will continue to research new treatment plans and I will ask God for His direction in my life..."Help me find my way. Bring me back to You."