My New Life: Desperation

My daughter, Miranda had a few bad days with the kidney stone. I went to see her Sunday and she looked like she felt better. She has gone back to work and says she hasn't had any pain in days. I am thankful to God that she is not suffering anymore!

Since I have been diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (IC) I have had chronic pain. I have chronic pelvic, back and sciatic pain. I have tried several different treatments and I have had some improvements, but the sciatica seems to be worse. I recently decided to go to pain management. In my mind this was always a last resort. I would only go if I had exhausted all my other options. Well, here I am. It seems there are no other options and I am desperate.

My appointment was scheduled for this week. I went with high expectations and a hopeful heart. After a brief discussion with the pain management doctor, we decided to try a steroid injection in my sacroiliac joint. The thought process was that my issue may be sacroiliitis instead of sciatica. It seemed like a good option with minimal risk.

After the injection I went to work and felt good for that day. The next day I felt good too. I thought this was the "magic" I needed. However, by Wednesday my sciatica came back.

Last Sunday morning after I first woke up I reached out to move some clothes and I hollered out in pain. I had pulled a muscle in my back. So I had started taking muscle relaxers. After thinking about, the couple of days when I felt good were when I was taking the muscle relaxers. Whatever the reason the pain is still there so I will have to keep trying.

When you are in desperate situations you do desperate things. I was recently at a small Bible study group. We were discussing the betrayal of Peter. He felt desperate and he denied Jesus three times. Sounds like a terrible thing to do but if we were in Peter's situation we may have done the same thing. We might even do it on a daily basis and don't even realize it.

Peter said he would stand by Jesus even if he had to die with him. He said he would never disown him. He denied Him three different times. After Peter realized what had happened his faith was made stronger. I told the small group that it reminded me of my life with IC. When I first became sick I believe my faith was being tested. Even though I was a Christian I questioned why I was suffering. It was as if I was relying on just myself to make it through the difficult times.

"The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside and wept bitterly." Luke 22: 61-62

Through this whole crazy ride at least one thing has improved. I know I trust God through the most negative of circumstances. I have developed a deeper dependence on God. I rely on God and His Word to make it through each day.

We can say what we think we will do in certain circumstances but until we are "warming by the fire of the enemy" we do not know exactly what we will do. We can build our faith by studying God's word, praying and making every effort to make God first in our lives so that we can hopefull have a faith building experience...just like Peter.