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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Broken, Empty and Lonely

I have been working very hard, long hours at The Construction Company this week.  I have been going in early and staying late.  I was working all kinds of different hours, but each day when I left the office and I turned on the radio the exact same song was playing.  You may say what a coincidence...I don't think so!  Take a listen for yourself. 
Sidewalk Prophets "Keep Making Me." Live Acoustic Version. Lyrics

The song lyrics are about wanting to be broken, empty and lonely.  Sounds a little crazy doesn't it?  Why would anyone WANT to be all of these things or ANY of these things?!!  Because when adversity hits, we are exposed.  Our true feelings about God come out in the questions we ask Him and the actions we take.

"Why me God??"  or "Why are you doing this to me God??!!" Sound familiar??  It does to me!  Sometimes when we ask God , "Why are you letting this happen to me?"  It may be how we truly feel, but we are accusing God of doing something wrong...ouch!   We are just sure we don't deserve what has come our way.  But sometimes our trials have nothing to do with what we deserve.  Sometimes our trials help us grow closer to God or they help develop character or validate our worship as I read in "Journey" magazine.

This is exactly why I don't want to be healed of all my aches and pains...because all of my pains "keep me real."  It would be hard to turn back for me now.  Since I have experienced pain and I am broken I am more sensitive to the needs of others.

For three days I worked long hours at the office, but I still felt good.  On my lunch break one day I even felt go enough to go shopping!!! I was feeling so happy and "normal."  Late Thursday evening I could feel the life being sucked out of every inch of my body.  This life was replaced with increased leg and bladder pain and I felt achy all over my body. 

This experience brought me back to reality very swiftly.  But my new reality is not all bad.  My new reality helps me to have compassion for others when they are hurting.  I can relate and I am not "so calloused."

It is in those deep, dark, empty times that is when we need to stop thinking about what we want, but seek God's will for our lives.  That's when we are vulnerable and we are open to change our bad habits. Like the habit of telling God what needs to happen in our lives...God I don't deserve this..."still holding onto my will."

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed those days when I felt good.  It was so refreshing not to feel lousy all the time.  I appreciate my good days very much!  But now I understand why I must be broken, empty and lonely sometimes.  It shows me the true nature of my relationship with God.

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"Keep Making Me"
Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely


'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making,
I know You'll keep making
Lord, please keep making me